I was talking to a friend today, with whom I am collaborating to promote her recently published book, aboutenergy vampires. Specifically, about people who, intentionally or unintentionally, drain your emotional and physical energy. Interactions with such people can leave you exhausted, stressed or even depressed.
He suggested me to develop this theme and I would also like to draw a parallel between personal and professional relationships.
Have you ever been in a situation where, after meeting someone, you feel your energy completely drained? Or to be in a place that exudes discomfort – as my friend used to say: ‘like tar dripping down the walls’ (metaphorically speaking).
Of course you’ve been in this situation.
Maybe you didn’t realize right away that this state was due to people or places, but you left feeling exhausted. Most likely you sought to retreat to a place or to a person who offers you safety, protection and helps you recharge. That place may be your home or out in nature. That person could be a colleague, a friend, your child, your mother.
How do you recognize such an energy vampire? Although there are no clear characteristics, some obvious signs are:
- Lack of empathy and consideration for your feelings.
- Exaggerated pessimism and constant drawing into negative discussions.
- Using subtle tactics to control yourself and use up your energy.
- Play the victim to get your attention and sympathy.
What can you do? Here are some suggestions:
- Be firm in setting boundaries and protecting your personal and emotional space.
- Be aware of your own emotions and always maintain a positive attitude. The energy vampire will not feel comfortable in a positive atmosphere.
As they say about negative entities: ‘they can’t enter your house if you don’t allow them’. It is the same with energy vampires. Once identified, protect yourself, avoid them, don’t let them in your “house”!
On the other side of the “net” are the energy givers. People who energize and uplift you. They are the ones who make you feel good, lift your spirits and give you emotional support. They’re easy to spot if you pay attention.
These are the people who:
- They are empathetic and attentive to your needs and feelings.
- They exude positivity, have an upbeat attitude and encourage you.
- They offer help and support without expecting anything in return.
- They actively listen and offer constructive advice.
You need these people! Don’t neglect them and treat your relationship with them seriously. They can change your destiny.
As Simon Sinek said in a recent podcast (I paraphrase):
“All you need is one person in your life to say ‘You can do this. Believe in yourself’ and you will find the energy and courage to do things you couldn’t do before. More importantly, that person also needs to tell you that ‘if it all goes wrong, I’ll be there for you, I’ll be there with you, I’ll be in the mud with you’.”
How true!
How does this translate into the business context?
I am thinking about the relationship between manager and subordinate.
An energy vampire is a manager who always sees the negative side of things, who only points out the mistakes, even if you have worked hard to complete a difficult task. No matter if you have achieved your goal, there will still be something that doesn’t please him/her.
An energizer is that manager who actively listens, motivates you when you encounter difficulties and sees mistakes as learning opportunities. It is the manager who tells you ‘you can do this’ and ‘I’m with you even if it goes wrong.’
Do you have examples in your life of these special, energy-giving people?
Take care of these relationships. They can change your life!
A day with lots of smiles!
Claudiu
