I was reminded this morning of an interesting topic to which I don’t know if I have an adequate answer, but I’d like to share it with you and maybe you’ll have more clarity on the mechanisms triggered in our brains.
Why is it hard for some people to ask for help?
A while ago I needed a drill to attach a fitness bar to the ceiling of our apartment. Being very hard concrete, the one I had wasn’t strong enough. I thought of the options: call a specialist, buy a drill, etc.
Upon presenting my girlfriend with my dilemma, she immediately asked, “Why don’t you ask your neighbor for help?”
From the moment the words came out of his mouth, I realized it was the easiest and most obvious solution, but it hadn’t been the one I had first thought of. Why? Why is it that for some of us, the first impulse is not to immediately call someone and instead we try to ‘solve’ it ourselves?
The example above is a one-off, but it could apply to anything in both personal and professional life. From asking for directions on the street, asking for information about a product in a shop, learning something new at home or at work, completing a complex project, requesting information on a social networking group, etc. Examples would be many.
Nowadays, with all information available in just a few clicks, asking for help will be increasingly demonetized and independence and self-sufficiency increasingly glorified.
I ask my youngest boy, Gen Z, with a great talent for graphic design, if I should enroll him in a graphic design course. His immediate answer is, “No! I find everything I need on the Internet.” Maybe so, but what’s missing is that human interaction, someone to guide you step by step and share the lessons they’ve learned.
As far as I am concerned, I could find a number of reasons, characteristic of me, as a result of the way I grew up and how I developed. From the fact that at not even 18 I was “on my own feet,” with a job, salary, apartment (I was the man of the house, what else!). Or that in my 15+ years of expatriation, among foreign people, in cultures very different from our own, I learned to rely solely on my own strengths. And other life events that shaped my character.
Generally speaking, what other reasons could be behind the difficulty in asking for help?
Fear of judgment? We may be perceived as weak or recognizing that we need help may seem a sign of vulnerability.
Pride? By taking pride in our ability to stand on our own two feet.
Perfectionism? The concept that we can do it better and faster.
There could be many reasons and I’d love to hear what you think.
But coming back to myself, I think it is important that I have adapted. I have been fortunate to have several great mentors, and my many years in management have shaped my ability to delegate, to work in teams, to listen and ask for help. However, for many activities, the perfectionist in me comes out and I try to do them myself.
This is where my girlfriend has helped me a lot, she has shown me many times how simple and effective it is to ask for help. To be aware of one’s own limitations and to solve many problems quickly and elegantly, just by knowing how and to whom to turn.
It made me reflect on the benefits and importance of asking for help:
- An opportunity for personal growth by improving communication and interpersonal relationships;
- A positive mental state, providing a sense of support and security, being part of a community;
- A sense of efficiency and productivity, by managing time and resources more effectively.
What do you think?
- What are the obstacles from your perspective? What would stop you from asking for help?
- What are the other advantages? What’s in it for you when you ask for help?
Write to me!
A week of wisdom!
Claudiu
