A few weeks ago, I invited you to revisit a “challenge” we called “A Complaint-Free Day“. In the e-book I offered for free, I proposed ten simple practices to manage such a day. Written about a year ago, I felt the need to revisit it, refresh my memory and see if I need to update any of the content.
Surprising or not, I still found the text very relevant. I did not feel the need to change anything essential. However, one point particularly caught my attention: point 9 – “Be mindful of internal thoughts“. There I was emphasizing the idea that it is not only verbal complaints that matter. Negative, repetitive thinking is often the fuel behind external complaints. In order to have a truly complaint-free day, we need to become aware of the inner monologue and, as much as possible, observe and adjust it.
Of all the proposed practices, I still find this the most difficult to manage.
If I am to be honest with myself and look “in the mirror”, I manage to apply most of the exercises described quite well. Those who know me know that I am generally an optimistic person. But point 9 is different and requires constant attention and a lot of inner work.
This is also why I developed the theme in my November 14, 2025 article, “Noisy Silence,” where I said that silence is often noisier than any conversation. It is when you stay with yourself and start to hear your thoughts. Not one, but several at the same time. An amalgamation of emotions, memories, scenarios and assessments that sometimes get louder than a scream.
It is often said that we have between 50,000 and 80,000 thoughts a day. However, it is not the number of thoughts that is interesting, but the typology of these thoughts. Most are repetitive, automatic, predictive and evaluative. Very few are deliberate, consciously chosen or truly creative. In other words, the mind does not necessarily “think”, but runs programs.
What’s more, the thoughts that plague us are not psychological problems in themselves, but interpretations of states or experiences.
That got me thinking about how AIworks, which has similar behavior. If you have experience with any of the AI solutions, you’ve certainly noticed that it provides an answer for almost anything. Even if it doesn’t clearly “know” the answer, it will approximate one. So is our mind, which gives us an interpretation of our emotions, feelings or experiences, whether those interpretations are correct or not. Most of the time, it turns out to be nothing more than approximations, shaped by our past experiences and the scenarios we are constantly running.
I wonder, then: what control do we actually have?
I believe that instead of suppressing or controlling the inner monologue, we need to change the context. It’s not about fighting the thought or forcibly “correcting” it, but about changing the terrain on which it arises.
We cannot control:
- the appearance of the first thought,
- initial activation of the body,
- automatic reactions.
But we can influence:
- our physiological state, the ground on which thoughts arise,
- the relationship with thought, not its content,
- where we place our attention and how long we stay there.
One revelation I had is that in order to truly have a complaint-free day, it is not enough to bite our tongue or not voice our grievances. It requires taking it down a notch and paying attention to our inner monologue. Where thoughts should not be dismissed but understood in the context from which they arise.
Perhaps the real practice is learning a gentler relationship with our thoughts. Then, paradoxically, silence comes. Not a silence without words, but a conscious silence that no longer needs to be covered by noise.
How do you deal with the inner monologue?
Claudiu
