“He didn’t call me!” – A simple phrase, but one that can trigger a veritable emotional tsunami. How many scenarios have you constructed when someone hasn’t returned your call? Maybe you thought: “How could they forget? Is he really not thinking about me?” Or maybe you went even further: “That means she doesn’t care about me…”
Our mind has a tendency to run away with thoughts, to fill in the blanks with assumptions, often negative ones. Often these are nothing more than projections of our fears, insecurities or past experiences.
Often reality is simpler than our scenarios
The other day, I was discussing this topic with someone who was extremely tense and full of guilty conscience because she had forgotten to return a call from a loved one. Caught up in the rush of work, she had simply forgotten. It was only in the evening, when she relaxed, that the missed call came back to her. She nervously called the next day. To her surprise, there was no problem. The other person had not even taken the absence of the call as an offense. Yet her thoughts continued to linger there, echoing her fears.
This is a clear example of how we can worry unfoundedly. We imagine reactions that don’t exist, we construct stories in which we are either victims or culprits, to which we give greater importance than reality demands.
Our mind is often a generator of imaginary problems
The famous Mark Twain said: “I am an old man who has been through a lot of trouble, most of which never happened.” A brilliant phrase that perfectly captures the way our minds play tricks on us.
The mind is like a processor constantly running scenarios about the future: “What does he think of me?”, “Did he misinterpret me?”, “Does he mean he doesn’t care?”
Most of these thoughts lead to anxiety, stress and sometimes emotional overreactions. The real problem is not that someone hasn’t called us back, but the interpretations we give to that fact.
I don’t want to set myself up as a psychology specialist, but I am looking at this phenomenon from a personal perspective, guided by the way I react when a call is not returned. Of course, if the situation repeats itself many times, I have a conversation with the person, but very rarely do I make scenarios as to why the call was not returned.
Would you be interested in avoiding these often imaginary scenarios? It is a paradigm shift, a conscious effort at first, but once practiced, it becomes a natural way of thinking.
How can we change the paradigm?
It is essential to adopt a balanced and rational mindset and avoid the emotional angle.
Here are some of my guiding thoughts that may help you break this mental pattern:
- Change perspective: When someone doesn’t answer the phone, instead of thinking, “He forgot about me!” say to yourself, “Maybe he’s busy, he’ll call when he can.”
- Give the person credit: Most people don’t intentionally ignore us. Most likely, they’re caught up in their day-to-day activities.
- Don’t make assumptions: Don’t interpret a simple gesture as a clear sign of neglect or lack of interest. Wait for concrete evidence before drawing conclusions.
- Practice rational thinking: be aware of the moments when your mind creates negative scenarios and ask yourself, “Is this reality or just a guess?”
As I said earlier, if this behavior persists, have that constructive discussion and express your opinion warmly, without blame. Draw conclusions only after rational thought, undistorted by fears and previous experiences.
Our thoughts are like a lens through which we interpret reality. If this lens is colored by fear and uncertainty, we see danger everywhere. But if we clean it with rationality, we will discover that the world is not as hostile as we sometimes perceive it.
So the next time someone doesn’t call you back, stop for a second and think to yourself, “Maybe they have a good reason. It’s not about me.”
A day with clarity of mind!
Claudiu
