Ever wondered if love has an expiration date? Or have you ever wondered if love has a finite amount and the more you give, the sooner it runs out?
If you have read any of my books, you will have a pretty clear idea of my view on this theme, on love. I don’t believe there is a finite amount, and the more we give, the more we get back. It is as if love has the quality of multiplying, of spreading when it is shared.
There are many kinds of love: the love of a child, of a mother, of a brother or sister. Love for your partner, husband or wife. Love of your neighbor, your comrades and friends. Love of nature, love of country. Or, taken to the extreme, love of self.
The one I want to talk about today is love for a partner in a couple relationship. There is one thing I have noticed that I think is true for a lot of people.
In a relationship, love must be nurtured. It is not limited in quantity, but it has a tendency to transform and, without conscious effort, to diminish in intensity.
In the early stages of a relationship, tenderness, surprises and romantic encounters are everyday rituals to show our love. But as time passes, these gestures tend to fade. Routines emerge and responsibilities increase. Or rather, responsibilities become a frequent excuse for lack of involvement. If children come along, tiredness, worry and lack of time seem to suffocate moments of closeness.
Neuroscience, sociology and life experiences offer some explanations.
At the beginning of a relationship, our brains are flooded with dopamine, a neurotransmitter associated with pleasure and reward. This “chemical cocktail” makes us feel the euphoria of love and the intense desire to spend time with our partner. But as the relationship progresses, this chemistry begins to wane and the brain becomes accustomed to the partner’s presence. Without conscious effort, routine and habit can become the enemy of intimacy.
Sociologists point to a common pitfall: focusing exclusively on day-to-day responsibilities – work, housework, childcare – at the expense of the relationship. Couples often get into a cycle where they tell themselves “we’ll deal with us later”, but that “later” turns into years of emotional distance.
What can we do?
Fortunately, our brains have an incredible capacity to adapt and create new connections. This process, known as neuroplasticity, can be used to revitalize love in a long-term relationship.
In general, there are simple things and gestures that we can do, but it is important to realize that after a while, when that chemical cocktail becomes more diluted, these gestures don’t usually come naturally and conscious action is needed. There are exceptions, of course, but I think these are exceptions rather than rules.
For example:
Small surprises – a romantic dinner, a love message left on a note or mirror, an invitation for a spontaneous walk – activate those reward centers in the brain, similar to the first stages of love. These are moments when powerful emotional connections are made.
Hugs, cuddles and regular physical contact stimulate the release of oxytocin, the so-called ‘love hormone’. This hormone is essential for strengthening emotional bonds. Neuroscience suggests that a simple touch can have therapeutic effects on a relationship.
Noticing and appreciating your partner’s gestures, even the small ones, contributes significantly to maintaining love. Of course, authenticity is needed. Appreciation should not be forced, like ticking off a task we have to do.
Quality time together – hobbies, games, sports or other activities you both enjoy. Prioritize these moments and step out of the “we’ll deal with us later” cycle. The time is now!
One conclusion we have come to is that maintaining love in a couple relationship requires intention, commitment and consistency.
Even if the magic of the beginning may fade, love can evolve into a deeper connection based on respect, appreciation and affection. It’s not about spectacular gestures, but genuine moments that bring joy and strengthen the emotional bond. Through small but meaningful gestures and a conscious effort to stay connected, love grows and transforms over time.
So the question is not whether love has a deadline, but how we choose to keep it alive and vibrant.
How do you maintain love? How do you keep the flame burning?
A day full of love!
Claudiu
