Hi,
Recently, in a public speaking course, a colleague presented some of the moments when it’s good to be silent. Follow the saying “silence is golden“, which is not an empty saying.
I found it very interesting and relevant. It got me thinking and wondering if we really know how to control ourselves, to be aware of when to speak up and when to be silent.
Most of the advice mainly revolves around the emotional:
- If you are feeling very upset, frustrated or angry, it may be wise to pause and calm down before continuing the conversation. By speaking in those moments, you might say things you’ll regret later.
- If the discussion requires more information than you have at the time, it’s better to wait until you can make a full assessment of the situation.
- If someone criticizes you in a way that is clearly disrespectful or baseless, sometimes the best reaction is not to respond.
- If you notice that the discussion is going in circles or becoming counterproductive, it may be a good time to propose a break or change the subject.
They all seem to me relevant and common sense. I would, however, like to add one more, which I think is much more important:
Don’t talk just to be heard!
Throughout my career, I’ve been in many meetings with executives who felt the need to speak, like an impulse they couldn’t stop. Not that they had anything to say, but they liked to be heard, to be heard, to “assert” themselves. The ones who pushed my buttons the hardest were the ones who interrupted me, as if they had the answer to everything and the world revolved around them.
At first I thought it was a talent and even felt intimidated by those vocal people with the I-know-better-and-talk-now-because-I-want-to-talk-because-I-want-to-talk-now.
But I realized very quickly how important it is to be silent and to speak only when you have something to say, something that adds value. But I also understood something else that is just as important: not letting those people who just want to be heard take center stage. With tact and assertiveness these people must be put in their place.
If you have something of value to say, it’s important to make your voice heard.
Speak assertively when you have something to say!
Don’t get derailed from your topic by those people who just want to be heard. Put them on the spot and get on with your point.
What you say is important!
Claudiu
