Hi,
I was watching a podcast with Dr. Dragos Cîrneci, a neuroscience expert, who claimed that most of what we know to be true about the brain is actually false. Of course, he comes with many pertinent arguments and gives examples of relevant experiments.
One of the things that caught my attention is about our brains, which are programmed to predict and anticipate future events based on available information and our experiences. When we make prediction errors or expect negative outcomes, we can develop anxiety. For example, if our brains predict that we will fail in a task or be rejected in a social situation, we may become anxious even before the event occurs.
It makes a lot of sense, and what makes the difference is how we deal with failure when our brains see it as a prediction error.
I have written more about my personal experience with failure, especially in my first personal development book, The Secret Code of Success – The JeDI Code. I realized many years ago that the secret to turning failure into success is in your mindset, how you look at failure and what you learn from it.
I had just been seconded to China by the Danish corporation I worked for. The first six months were an ordeal for me, as it was my first expatriation, with new people, new colleagues, in a very different culture and a language I didn’t understand. In addition, I had the unfortunate experience of having to report to a manager who, in my opinion, was hiding his insecurities by trying to project the image of a tough male. I remember his favorite saying, which he used with anyone who came to him for help, was “don’t make your problem my problem”.
Basically, I was never able to communicate with him and at the first assessment I got a Pass. It was a real blow. It was unacceptable to me and I considered it a major personal failure.
Here my friend Mentality helped me a lot.
I never liked the role of victim and the first thing I did was to look at what I could change, how I could communicate better with my manager, what he considered a job well done. I won’t go into detail about the changes I made – described at length in the book mentioned above – but I want to emphasize that failure motivated me and I managed, in another six months, to turn it into success. I managed to get a Very Good on the next assessment.
Failure, for me, was like a cold shower that didn’t discourage me, but made me stronger. I knew I could change the situation and I acted accordingly.
For many of us, the natural instinct is to avoid failure at all costs. Failure can be painful, it can shake our self-confidence and generate doubts about our ability to succeed. But a different perspective can help us change the way we look at failure. Instead of seeing it as an insurmountable obstacle, let’s look at it as an opportunity for growth.
The first step is honest introspection, and then asking ourselves three key questions:
- What exactly happened and why?
- What can I learn from this experience?
- What could I do differently next time?
Then the most important thing is to act. We don’t brood, we don’t feel sorry for ourselves, we don’t victimize ourselves. We are taking action!
This will increase our resilience and send a clear signal to the brain that it can be done. Even if previously it was an error in prediction, now the prediction is confirmed. It is no longer an error, a failure, but a success. And success breeds success. Our confidence increases, anxiety decreases, we are a better version of ourselves every day.
Edison’s answer is famous when asked why he failed so many times to invent the electric light bulb:
“I can’t say I’ve failed 1000 times, I can say I’ve discovered 1000 ways it doesn’t work.”
It is perhaps the most relevant demonstration that failure is a path to success. It all depends on mindset and action!
Don’t ruminate, don’t complain, don’t victimize. Ask the questions and act. Now!
Good luck!
Claudiu
